I’ve been Mansplained to a LOT in Kansas. Like an unhealthy amount. I’ve developed an eye twitch, an even sharper tongue, and a deep, occasionally button popping sigh. (I’ve had a chest button pop off and hit someone in the face during a deep sigh. Let’s not get into that right now. Why are you bringing up old stuff?) According to B.L, Jesus hears my sighs every time I get mansplained to, and He puts them in a jar. What is to be done with the multitude of sigh jars, she never really explains. But back to mansplaining, after two incidents today, I thought I’d post some incidents I’ve had to deal with, and their accompanying level of irritation.
1. The WORST MANSPLAIN EVER IN THE HISTORY OF ALL MANSPLAINING
Someone told me once that I shouldn’t be mad about slavery because “I wasn’t a slave.” Then told on me for “hurting his feelings” to another mansplainer, who mansplained to me how I should apologize. I did not apologize, in case you all were wondering. It happened a while ago, and no, I’m not “over it”. I will be mad about this forever. I honestly don’t remember how I responded to this, because every time I think of this, my vision goes red and my mouth tastes like it wants to say swear words.
Mansplaining irritation level- 4 Donald Trumps
2. The Passive Aggressive Email Mansplainer
I loooooove being mansplained to via email. In related news, I really need them to come up with a sarcasm font, because I’ve leaned that wit, and possibly tone, is lost on email mansplainers. No, I will not email you back within 30 seconds of reading your email because you demand attention ASAP. Why, of course I will mark your follow-up email 3 minutes later to ask why I haven’t responded to your first email as SPAM. I especially love it when you walk from your office next door to my office and ask me why I haven’t responded to the emails you just sent. This way you get to watch me ignore you in action.
Mansplaining irritation level- The daytime cast of Fox News- annoying, but ignorable.
3. The “I have a right make as much noise as I want” Mansplainer
One perk of living in Kansas is living near people who inform me that they can tune up their muffler-less car outside any time they want, because ‘Merica, that’s why. HOA and human decency be damned. The Constitution apparently gives them the right to play super loud video games at 2 in the morning on a school night as well. I wouldn’t know that because I need to go back to Africa with NOBAMA. Touché, good sir. I may not know the Constitution by heart, but I do know my HOA rules, and how much they fine you for excessive noise.
Mansplaining irritation level- ½ of Reddit
I would continue with this vein, but I realized while typing that this is stressing me out. So, I’m going to leave you with this, and the promise that I have some way funnier lists to post up here at a later date. I just found a list from the worst date humanly possible, that I will probably post tomorrow. So you all have that to look forward to.
Heartland Femme 