Howdy and we’re back!
Let’s talk dating, shall we? In the past, I loved first dates. There is a lot of excitement built into the process: the outfit selection, the list of questions in my head in case I run out of things to talk about, the list of deal breakers to watch for….
(Am I the only one who has a book list for people I date? In the old days, people I dated had to have read a certain number of books on a list I had of must-reads. I know this is super elitist, but whatever, I’m a grad student. I essentialize for fun. Even though I’m off the market pretty much forever, the booklist was as follows:
- James Baldwin’s Giovanni’s Room
- Mark Danielewski’s House of Leaves
- Neil Gaimen’s American Gods
- Nalo Hopkinson’s Mojo: Conjure Stories
- Yusef Komunyakaa’s Talkin’ Dirty to the Gods
- Tim Lucas’ Throat Sprockets
- Ishmael Reed’s Mumbo Jumbo
- Herman Melville’s Moby Dick
- Zora Neale Hurston’s The Sanctified Church
- Octavia Butler’s Fledgling
I don’t think that reading a few of these 10 books is too much to ask. Seriously people, read an effing book. But this isn’t the list you wanted. So I’ve been on a bunch of first dates, and some pretty bad ones. But a few years ago, in College Station, Texas, I went on the worst first date humanly possible. Not only was the date absolutely awful, but I got an email afterwards with tips on how to be “femme-ier” and a better date. I present to you, without further comment, the list of suggestions I got 45 minutes after my date was over. 45 minutes. Seriously. I had hardly gotten home. It’s like she emailed me from her car.
1. You make eye contact like a man. Look away more. Be more demure
2. Open up about your childhood more. (This was our first date)
3. Your dress makes one boob look bigger than the other. Lean to the left when you talk to people more
4. You should laugh less, giggle more. Giggling is more demure
5. You seem to have aggression issues, perhaps you should lean forward less, and look me in the eye less
6. You should let me order for you. I’m not sure you know what you want, but I know the restaurants I pick better
7. Talk less about things you are interested in. talk more about things I’m interested in.
8. Wait until I call you. It’s more lady like. I will call you tomorrow at 7.
I’m oh so happy that I’m off the dating market.
As a hint for next post, I’m probably gonna blog about the Black girlfriend starter packet that I have for B.L.
Heartland Femme 